13 And always carry a clean pocket handkerchief.
14 It's also important to remember that good Hygiene includes some things you shouldn't do,
15 Because you shouldn't chew gum in public,
16 Or smoke unless the ladies give you permission,
17 Or drink beverages out of the bottle, which I learned from your mother, so it must be important,
18 Or forget to polish your shoes,
19 aOr read about all the latest new diseases in magazines,
20 Ever,
21 Because you'll start feeling all the symptoms,
22 Right away.
CHAPTER 5I1 I is for Idiots.
2 Which there are a lot of,
3 bBecause Idiots are people who never think of anybody else,
4 And never think anything through,
5 And are always surprised to discover that the world wasn't made just for them,
6 cWhich is a stupid, useless, good-for-nothing way to be.
CHAPTER 5J1 J is for Jokes, which every man worth his salt knows a lot of,
2 Because they break the ice when you're meeting people for the first time,
3 Which is why it's good there are so many different kinds of jokes,
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4 dIncluding jokes about how much the Micks like to drink and beat up women,
5 eAnd how much Catholics like to eat fish,
6 fAnd how stupid the Pollocks are,
7 gAnd how miserly and self-pitying the Jews are,
8 hAnd how penny-pinching and rude the Scotch are,
9 iAnd how obsessed with sex and food the French are,
10 jAnd how snobbish and humorless the English are,
11 kAnd how greasy and violent Italians are, the American Italians, that is,
12 lAnd how excitable and cowardly the Italian Italians are,
13 mAnd how dumb the Dutch are,
14 nAnd how arrogant and power-hungry the Germans are,
15 oAnd how sneaky and unimaginative the Japs are,
16 pAnd how fertile and funny-sounding the Chinese are,
17 qAnd how filthy and backward the Arabs are,
18 rAnd how violent and pompous the Spanish are,
19 sAnd how violent and stupid the Mexicans are,
20 tAnd how violent and filthy Puerto Ricans are,
21 uAnd how boastful and ignorant Russians are,
22 vAnd how boastful and nouveau riche Texans are,
23 wAnd how inbred and ignorant hillbillies are,
24 xAnd how bluenosed and snobbish Bostonians are,
25 yAnd how boring and rural midwesterners are,
26 zAnd how lazy and alcoholic southerners are,
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