19 aAfter dark anyway,
20 bBecause he will turn into a bat and fly away,
21 cUnless he turns into a wolf instead,
22 Which is what he will do in this movie,
23 dBecause eFrankenstein is doing dark and terrible things in the castle down the street,
24 fIncluding wake up the fearful Wolfman,
25 As played by gLon Chaney, Jr.,
26 hBecause it turns out that the monster is getting lonely,
27 As played by iBoris Karloff,
28 jAnd hasn't been sleeping since his wife died in that terrible fire,
29 kWhich the villagers never even apologized for,
30 lExplaining why it will serve them right when the Monster and the Wolfman go on a rampage,
31 mEspecially when Bela gets into the act,
32 nBecause vampires don't like to be upstaged by anybody,
33 oParticularly when the supply of virgins is getting low,
34 pAnd so little by little everything builds up to the terrifying climax,
35 qWhen Bela and Boris and Lon are all staggering across the screen at once,
36 rAnd the virgin is screaming,
37 sAnd the villagers are brandishing their pitchforks, not to mention a bunch of wooden stakes and tguns with silver bullets,
38 uAnd Dr. Frankenstein is going psycho because of all the weird thunder and lightning in his laboratory,
39 vWhen suddenly the entire Transylvanian countryside is darkened by the dread shadow of wKing Kong,
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40 xAs played by a ystuffed mechanical ape,
41 zWhich stomps everybody flat,
42 Including Dracula,
43 And the Wolfman,
44 And the Frankenstein monster,
45 And Dr. Frankenstein,
46 And even some of the uglier looking villagers,
47 But not the virgin, of course,
48 aaBecause nightmares aren't allowed to kill virgins,
49 In Hollywood, anyway,
50 bbNo matter how much they scream.
CHAPTER 311 When war finally comes, though, Hollywood will stop trying to be so escapist,
2 And work hard at making movies that inspire people to win the war,
3 Like showing everybody how ccJohn Wayne could win the whole war all by himself,
4 If he weren't so busy making movies,
5 Including one called 'Back to Iwo Jima,'
6 ddWhich will be all about fighting the Nips in the South Pacific,
7 Not to mention one called 'The Longest D-Day,'
8 eeWhich will be all about fighting the Krauts in Europe,
9 Because as long as John Wayne is on your side, it doesn't matter who you're fighting,
10 Since nobody has a chance against John Wayne,
11 ffWho is brave and strong and moral and determined,
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